Drift
by DW-chan
Summary: Leorio had always wanted to tell Senritsu something, and he had his chance. However, he may have wished that he had stolen the chance long ago... Somewhat Emitter Pair; mainly Rhythm Pair. Submitted for the FF Hetero Contest. :)


***HxH Disclaimer***

**Author's Notes: **This story had it coming. :P For me, at least. While I adore the Rhythm Pair, the Emitter Pair's snuggling its way into my ice cold heart as well. :P Put them all together and what do you get? Three's a crowd. :3

Sending this off as an FF Hetero Contest entry. ^^

* * *

Drift  
By: DW-chan

* * *

_I am not yours, not lost in you,  
__Not lost, although I long to be  
__Lost as a candle lit at noon,  
__Lost as a snowflake in the sea._

-Sara Teasdale, "I Am Not Yours"

* * *

It wasn't supposed to be surprisingly awkward, but it was.

Leorio had his heart on his sleeve, somewhere between schoolboy shy and dashing debonair. Perhaps one can even include a spark of noble knight into the mix. He had exams nearly everyday in medical school which placed him in a habit of perpetual jitters, but not yet to the point of routine. He had met a pretty girl or two, asked them out, and things went fine… for a while. Life was life and it had gone from extraordinary to mundane.

Still, Leorio was sure that he had never felt this anxious, this tangled up and full of contradicting emotions and thoughts before. He can even say that he wasn't thinking, and yet so many versions of a particular scene he deemed to carry out were playing in his head. Yet they all narrowed to one.

That she would say _yes_.

But she didn't.

She didn't particularly say anything… yet.

It was a rather chilly October, a Sunday morning, and a year had passed since York Shin. They had agreed to meet in Veneer City at the heart of the Attarian Republic, since the Nostrades were sorting out their affairs there. Light was slowly getting back on his feet. Kurapica was with him for most of the day, even on a Sunday, when everyone—families, children, older citizens and couples—were out celebrating the remaining sunny days of autumn.

Senritsu and Leorio were sitting in a café; he was having his daily brew, and she was having a hazelnut latte. The two friends were catching up, and it was almost lunchtime. Kurapica would be joining them in the evening, for dinner. It would be the most rewarding reunion yet.

Leorio decided to treat Senritsu out for lunch, but as he sat in the café, listening to her stories in her lovely, gentle voice, with the musicality of a hundred nightingales, he couldn't really sit still. He listened to her, and he also listened to a practiced spiel in his head.

His heart was beating woodpecker beats. He knew she would hear it. He sipped his coffee as calmly as he could.

Senritsu smiled. She had told him once how much she liked his heartbeat. She was still in her squat, mouse-like form; she was wearing a beautiful hat, and her eyes were beautiful. She wore a plain dress, so much like a child's, but she talked with the sophistication of a young lady. Onlookers wouldn't suspect that a young man was taking a much, much younger girl to morning coffee. They wouldn't suspect either that he was simply taking a favored little niece for her favorite drink. In a way it was a slightly confusing little scene, but everyone kept to their own business. An upbeat song was playing through the café speakers.

"Leorio," Senritsu began, after cutting a piece of her cake. "Are you all right? Your heartbeat—"

"Never been better!" beamed the young medical student, his eyes wide, his mouth wider with a grin. He had gotten used to Senritsu's talk about heartbeats. In fact, he liked how she perceived heartbeats and how much it told her about a person. He had never forgotten what she had told him a year ago in York Shin. He couldn't get the smile off his face.

"Well," Senritsu continued, delightedly amused with how the other would suddenly burst like a firecracker. "I know you've been listening to me, but something else seems to be bothering you. Would you… like to tell me about it?" She wasn't coercive. It was a friendly suggestion. Leorio knew that she would be all ears. She had always been a gracious, caring soul.

_Oh God_, Leorio thought. _Should I tell her now? Should I?_ It looked like that Senritsu was giving him no choice, or so Leorio would like to believe. He looked at her small smile, her bright eyes, her plump cheeks like an apple in bloom. He was aware of how his heartbeat felt in his chest, and how suddenly cold his limbs had become.

He thought his voice was lodged in his throat. "Uh…"

There was silence for a moment. A long moment. The song from the café speakers changed into an even livelier one; some diners seemed to have recognized this local Attarian song and were nodding their heads in approval.

Senritsu laughed her dainty, unpretentious laugh. "It's perfectly fine if you don't want to tell me." She gave a friendly wink.

Leorio gave a tuneless chuckle, rubbing the back of his head in feigned embarrassment, but his thoughts were, _I don't think she knows what I'm really going to say… or maybe she knows… maybe not… maybe she does._

_Angels in heaven_, he finally prayed, _I'm going to do this._

_I'm really going to do this._

He cleared his throat.

"Senritsu—"

The sound of a phone ringing.

Leorio wanted to flip every single table in the café then and there.

He stopped himself. It was Senritsu's phone.

"Oh sorry, a moment," said the young woman, giving him an apologetic look. She took the call, and while her work affairs were not Leorio's business, he couldn't help but observe her from the corner of his eye as he took another sip from his coffee. She had slightly turned away, somewhat cupping her small hand to the receiver; her voice was low, but endearing.

That was when Leorio noticed that there was a certain glow to her as she talked to whoever was on the other end of the call. Her eyes seemed to be dancing. She seemed quite happy. _No_, he corrected himself. _Very happy._

The call ended. She replaced the phone back into her dress pocket.

"It's Kurapica," she informed him, her voice like a polished bell. "He said that he'll be able to join us in an earlier time. Nostrade will let him off by the afternoon."

"Ah," Leorio managed to say, suddenly not sure if he wanted to see his other dear friend too soon, now that he had decided to… He cleared his throat again. "That's great news! We can try that new gelato place near the cathedral. All three of us, eh?" He thought he sounded a little too enthusiastic. Senritsu would see right through him.

"It seems like we'll be doing nothing but eat the entire day!" said Senritsu jovially.

"Looks like it," Leorio said, giving an audible, _Hehehe. _

"But," Senritsu continued, her round and glimmering agate eyes on him. "You were trying to tell me something earlier?"

The coldness returned to Leorio's limbs. His heartbeat began their little tribal-dance-around-the-bonfire again.

_Yes_, he thought.

"Yes," he said.

Senritsu gave him a jestingly anticipating look.

"I—"

At that instant he partly wished another interruption would happen; there was none.

He couldn't look at her straight in the eye. It gave him too much of a wonderful feeling to look at her straight in the eye. He shouldn't get lost in a sea of emotion now. He had to think straight, lest he babbled something incoherent and worse, something _wrong_.

"I've been thinking of what you told me back at York Shin," Leorio found himself saying.

OH SH—

That was not what he had planned to say. Well, part of it was, but not as a response to the moment when she asked him what he wanted to say to her.

"Yes?" urged Senritsu. She looked somewhat pleased.

_Might as well continue_, thought Leorio, wanting to so much kick himself in all places imaginable. "I am going to be a doctor… well I guess Kurapica told you already…"

"He did! I have never been so glad for you," Senritsu returned, genuinely excited. "And I'm glad that I'm hearing it from you."

"Sorry I couldn't tell you earlier," said Leorio, sheepishly. "I was planning to call, and I'm just about to enter the second year of medical school."

"I'm sure you had wanted to tell me in person," said Senritsu, all smiles. "And I'm sure you've been busy! Look at that, in your second year! I wish you all the best to make sure you see medical school through, Leorio."

His heart nearly took off and left his body when she said his name in such an exuberant tone. There was certain fondness in it, he was certain.

"And I also wanted to tell you—"

OH SH— AGAIN…! Leorio decided that he simply had no control over his mouth which verily had a mind of its own.

This time, Senritsu's eyes were wide with genuine intrigue. It surprised Leorio that his own impulsive words surprised _her_.

"You wanted to tell me…?" she echoed, listening; she was blinking her huge beautiful chipmunk eyes.

Leorio swallowed hard. He closed his eyes, not minding at all if he looked rather silly in front of the young woman. He tried to normalize his breaths even if he had no control over his vagrant heartbeats. He had to man up, and finally, _really_ tell her—

_I love you_, he thought.

"I think I'm in love with you," he said.

Leorio lost count of the jumble of all the swear words he knew in his lifetime that did a pirouette in his head. It was as if they had converged especially on that occasion to laugh and point at him and say, _You idiot. That's not what you wanted to say! You __**think**__ you're __**in love**__ her? You think?_

He had infinitesimally downgraded what he had really wanted to express to her. The purity of what he had wanted to say had been tainted with the resolve of a teenage boy who had no direction in life, even as he decided that he was far from that.

Nevertheless, with all his will, he awaited Senritsu's reaction, Senritsu's words—_anything_.

The wait seemed like forever.

She said nothing… not yet.

When she did not say anything, and she seemed to be sitting there, doll-like, mouse-like and dainty, as though what he said did not register to her, Leorio deemed to continue since, after all, he was already in a point of no return.

"Would you… let me love you?"

_Ah, I guess that sounded better_, Leorio thought. Cheesy, but better than the worse of what he might have said.

He was hoping that she would say _yes_.

"Leorio—" Senritsu began.

That was when Leorio's heart began to sink. Something like a bludgeon was inching its way to pound in his head. The sound of her voice… he knew that sound.

"I—" Senritsu, this time, was struggling to speak. Her face mirrored confusion. There it was, the confusion.

Leorio's face grew warm, but not because of the fluttery, wonderful, oh-so-wonderful feeling of love. If he were a weaker man, he would be feeling the tears in his eyes. But that would be too soon. He was clinging on to some kind of hope, to any kind of hope.

"We hadn't had the chance to tell you." Senritsu seemed to be choosing her words carefully. Leorio felt a sudden sense of guilt, knowing that he had placed her in this most incommodious position.

"We—?" Leorio faltered. And then, it dawned to him. She only confirmed it through her next words.

"Kurapica and I—you see, we…"

He knew it was a cliché, but Leorio felt his world crash around him. He had casually placed a hand on his chin; his hand was trembling. He was awash with sudden wave of dejection, and jealousy. _Kurapica_, Leorio thought. He felt a conflict of emotions once more. He knew he should be happy that Kurapica has finally found the one to love and the one to love him back…

"Yes, yes I see!" Leorio cleared his throat once more, in an attempt to keep a falling tear at bay. Ah, he was a mess, a veritable mess. He tried to sound his joyous best. "I'm… I'm happy for the both of you!" He laughed. He had never heard a laugh so phony in all his life. "Since when?"

Senritsu knew what he was going through. It was on her face, in her eyes. Yet, she managed to carry on and answer his question with an equally joyous air. "Two months ago."

"Two months," said Leorio, without skipping a beat. "Two months ago, I was studying for a zoology exam…" He laughed again. He just wanted to laugh and laugh and brush this day aside. The day had only begun.

"Leorio…" Senritsu attempted. She had reached out a hand. Leorio was hesitant, but she had taken his hand.

"No, no need to be all nice and stuff," Leorio said, trying to sound that he was kidding, all in good spirits, all in good sport. "I'll be okay! I've told you what I've wanted to tell you and that's all that matters, right? I can't ask for anything more…"

The café speakers played yet a new song. Still upbeat, still happily upbeat.

"Leorio," Senritsu repeated. There was also a kind of love in her eyes, Leorio noted, but it was not the love he had wished to come from her. He had seen it in films, and a bit in books. It was a love a friend gave another friend.

"I'll be all right," Leorio said, stubbornly.

Senritsu smiled. "Thank you."

She had let go of her gentle, warm grasp from his hand. She still smiled her sweet smile. Leorio had remembered the most resplendent smile in her eyes when she had taken the call from Kurapica. His dear friend Kurapica. He should have known, not when Senritsu and his friend lived under the same roof, had the same employer, and seemingly had all the time in the world to know each other.

He had also wondered if co-workers were allowed to love each other, but that was a minor detail, and he was simply consoling himself with the hard lies of the world. Love was love was love.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me, I'll be back in a bit…" Leorio suddenly said, and with a quick nod, he left the woman of his dearest affections on the table as he stepped for a moment outside, and left the fresh air assault his face. The noon chill seeped into his bones.

He knew he still had medical school to finish, and then the licensure exam, residency, many other things, many many other things until he can finally declare that he was Leorio Paladiknight, M.D. and perhaps many other titles after it.

He had a whole life ahead of him.

Maybe, he thought, maybe after this visit, he'll lie low for a while. Get his thoughts back together. Get his bearings back together.

When Kurapica arrives, he'll shake his hand. He'll playfully pat him on the back. He'll call him _lucky bastard_. He'll be jolly old annoying Leorio, and they would have one hell of a night.

He fumbled for cigarette, but he didn't have one. He had decided to quit many months ago.

A whole life ahead of him.

He then felt the tears fall from his eyes.

* * *

**A/N:** Happy endings can be overrated sometimes. At least it's kinda happy on the part of Kurapica and Senritsu? ^^;;

Sending this off now! Feel free to comment, make remarks, give "there there" pats on Leorio's back…

P.S. "Attarian Republic" is a fictional equivalent I gave to Italy. Er, that is all. :P

Cheers!

DW-chan :3


End file.
